Shadow Work: Illuminating the Hidden Aspects of Ourselves

in-exhale
Feb 2
4 min read

Shadow work is the process of exploring our subconscious mind—shining a light on the hidden parts of ourselves. This is where our unresolved trauma, gifts, limiting beliefs, and deeply ingrained thought patterns reside.

In the dance of shadows, the dragonfly leads the way.

If these patterns remain hidden, they continue operating beneath the surface, influencing our emotions, behaviours, and choices without our conscious awareness.

The importance of this work is profound. It helps us uncover who we truly are and recognise the thoughts and beliefs that have been running the show.

For example, if I hold the subconscious belief that I am not lovable, I may: a) Struggle to accept love when it’s offered, believing it can’t be real. b) Find myself in relationships that reinforce this belief, providing "evidence" to support my inner narrative.

Our negative beliefs are skilled at gathering false evidence to sustain their existence. By bringing them into the light, we begin to challenge these outdated patterns and rewrite our internal story.

A Personal Reflection on Shadow Work

I have a scar on my knee from when I fell in the garden as a child. I remember sitting on the ground, crying, my knee bloodied and stinging. My gran, who loved me dearly but was a strict woman, found me there. Instead of comforting me, she demanded I get up. And when I did, she slapped me across the face.

"Each step in childhood leaves an imprint. Shadow work helps us understand the ones that follow us into adulthood."

I remember freezing in that moment—stunned, confused, and terrified. She told me to stop crying immediately, warning that if another tear escaped, she’d hit me again. I tried so hard to swallow the pain, to force the tears back.

This memory resurfaced years later during breathwork. I wasn’t much of a crier anymore, and in that session, I connected the dots: I don’t cry because, as a child, I learned that crying would only bring more pain. I had internalised the belief that expressing my emotions was dangerous. For many years, I only allowed myself to cry when I was alone. Even today, vulnerability in front of others can trigger a deep sense of vigilance in my nervous system.

The Power of Breathwork in Healing

Breathwork has helped me unravel this wound, allowing me to tell myself the truth about that memory.

As a child, suppressing my tears was a survival strategy—it kept me safe in my gran’s rigid way of caring. But as I deepened my healing journey, I saw a greater truth: this was how she was raised too. She loved us fiercely, but she didn’t have the tools or capacity to love with gentleness.

Through breathwork, I have softened this pattern. I have given myself permission to feel, to express, and to challenge the belief that my emotions are unsafe.

Shadow Work in a Safe & Supported Space

Shadow work is deeply personal, and while it’s possible to explore it alone, having a grounded practitioner to hold space for you can provide far more stability and support.

Working with someone who understands this process allows you to move through memories and emotions in a way that is compassionate yet firm, ensuring you don’t get lost in the pain but instead find the healing within it.

If you’re beginning your journey into shadow work, I encourage you to find a safe container—whether that’s a practitioner, a healing circle, or another therapeutic space where you feel fully seen, supported, and held.

A Simple Yet Powerful Inquiry Process

When I encounter a challenging memory or belief, I ask myself:

What happened? (What is the memory or situation?)
What did I make it mean? (About myself, others, or the world?)
Can I tell myself the truth about it now? (From an adult perspective, is this belief still valid?)
Can I opt out of it? (Am I ready to release this pattern and choose a new way of being?)

"Embracing the shadows within, we find freedom. Shadow work is the movement of releasing what no longer serves us."

This is a simple formula, but by no means easy. It requires deep honesty and self-responsibility. Revisiting old memories can be painful, which is why we often suppress them rather than fully feeling and processing them. Opting out of these patterns takes discipline, self-care, and self-acceptance.

But with time, patience, and support, we can begin to shift. We can consciously choose a new way—one that serves us, rather than keeps us trapped in old wounds.

Shadow work isn’t about blame or shame. It’s about liberation. It’s about reclaiming our power to see ourselves clearly and consciously create a life aligned with our truth.

Ready to Go Deeper? Let’s Connect

If you’re feeling called to explore shadow work through breathwork, I offer private and group sessions where you can safely process and integrate these deep emotional layers.